Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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