He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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