So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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