Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
