Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
