I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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