Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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