Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
