Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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