i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
