I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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