Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
