Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
