Plan B is the new Plan A
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
