The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So apparently I’m into choking now
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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