Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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