Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am spending my child support on dildos
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
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She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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