Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
