did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
