Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
