The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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