i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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