she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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