I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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