Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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