Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
