Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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