how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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