no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
