My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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