he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
