Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
