Someone shit on the floor
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
