life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
