No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
