You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
