he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
