did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
