it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
