i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
