Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
