I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
