did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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