the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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