If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
