y did u give ur computer a hand job?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
