We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
