All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
