At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
