He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
