so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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