Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
