She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
