You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
