I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
