I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
