Say something about gay babies.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
