he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
