just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
