If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
