no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
