sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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