Someone shit on the floor
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
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Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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