no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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