At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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