You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
