As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
