id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
