I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?