Texts From Last Night

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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?

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  (218): Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night? http://tfl.nu/5syc
  Replies (4) Good night (2689) Bad night (1580)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.

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  (425): i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break. http://tfl.nu/5pkx
  Replies (21) Good night (3293) Bad night (715)
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  (707): View more from California

  last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.

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  (707): last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll. http://tfl.nu/u5mu
  Replies (34) Good night (5341) Bad night (936)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF

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  (520): just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF http://tfl.nu/k653
  Replies (19) Good night (903) Bad night (4008)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.

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  (630): my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise. http://tfl.nu/s84e
  Replies (7) Good night (6844) Bad night (743)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  He obviously understands you completely.

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  (206): He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes... (1-206): He obviously understands you completely. http://tfl.nu/r2fl
  Replies (7) Good night (4984) Bad night (1045)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?

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  (205): there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something? http://tfl.nu/tu2y
  Replies (12) Good night (6148) Bad night (1842)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.

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  (817): I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts. http://tfl.nu/7tmi
  Replies (36) Good night (9673) Bad night (1259)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.

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  (250): Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed. http://tfl.nu/6hpj
  Replies (1) Good night (851) Bad night (2570)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B

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  (646): Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B http://tfl.nu/w0hg
  Replies (12) Good night (3078) Bad night (957)
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  (213): View more from California

  Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??

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  (213): Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast?? http://tfl.nu/wkuh
  Replies (25) Good night (3750) Bad night (1281)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?

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  (719): What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running? http://tfl.nu/08bt
  Replies (3) Good night (1391) Bad night (551)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.

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  (307): I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars. http://tfl.nu/4ihs
  Replies (2) Good night (631) Bad night (351)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick

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  (215): He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick http://tfl.nu/9d7z
  Replies (1) Good night (435) Bad night (585)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home

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  (513): and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home http://tfl.nu/u8sr
  Replies (1) Good night (395) Bad night (256)

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