your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
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I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.