this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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