direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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