i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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