once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
