Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
