he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
