if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
