I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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